After some quality time with my daughter in the morning, a kiss goodbye at the doorstep, this momma heads to work everyday. Today I had two meetings, many hours of driving to visit accounts followed by trying to catch up on my computer work at the local coffee shop. Then, finally home. The end of one work day but the beginning of a different one; one where the focus is on one small dynamo who wants to make up for the lost hours with Momma. After a quick dinner, a chaotic bath, the nightly fight to go to bed before the nightly news…which was successful only after three attempts and lots of tears (and bribery!), I finally get to my “alone-time”! But what does “alone-time” look like? Lounging on the couch with a glass of wine and my DVR? No…I SO WISH! That was my past life and things have changed…my life now my life looks like this….nightly house maintenance till about ten o’clock, wash my face and hop into bed to
snuggle my hubby work on my laptop! Two hours of work emails, one hour of catching up on personal stuff and finally to bed at one o’clock – and tomorrow I get to REPEAT!
However, there is the favorite part of the day: My daughter licking my face with a mouth covered in hazelnut spread left over from dinner, her telling me, “Mommy, I love you soooooooo much”, reading Flat Stanley five times, her kissing me good night…kissing my hubby goodnight! Ahhhhh…the joys of motherhood!
The Decision and Choice:
I will admit, the day I had to go to work after being home for the first four months of my daughter’s life, was probably THE hardest day of my life. I remember it so clearly. I reversed out of my driveway, stopped at the sitter’s car and before I drove away, I wrote down her license plate number in case she decided to steal her or something. That day I could barely work. I had two (pretty severe) anxiety attacks, and was just in a daze driving. I will never forget how hard it was, but that is the choice I made for my family and I knew I had to do it. Yes, I was also the mom who added up all the hours my baby spent with the sitter to compare it to the hours I spent with her, just to make sure I always had more hours than the sitter. Yes I did that, not going to lie! But that is how I made it through my working day because truth to tell, for me it was a hard decision to go back to work.
It is no secret being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever had to do on a daily basis. I would say it’s not the hardest thing I have ever done, but it’s hard! I know there are mommy-wars out there on the internet, playgroups, and schools about the battle between working moms and stay-at-home moms. I read an article online just yesterday about this very topic. A working mom was justifying on her blog to some complainers as to why she cannot always reply back to the comments on her blog or be actively participating on all these mom boards online. As I read this, I thought to myself, “Why does she feel the need to even write a post to justify this?” Why? Why do any of us moms have to justify anything we are doing? Aren’t we all just trying to do the best thing we know how to do, to survive on a DAILY BASIS? This whole argument about it being harder to be stay-at-home moms versus working moms and who are the better parents is just counterproductive to what all our end goals are: to raise strong, educated, happy, well-adjusted children. So, without becoming too involved in this whole argument, I want to say that moms are amazing people and whether we choose to work, stay home, have multiple kids, one kid, whatever it is, we just all need to realize it is hard and we are in this together.
I was quite offended the other day when I was looking into a mom group in a neighboring city and online they said they “accept” moms who are stay-at-home, have a home business, or work part-time. This shocked me? So, are they saying that because I am a full-time working mom, I don’t have the same struggles in parenting that they do? That I don’t have the same potty training, sleep training, and behavior discussion points that they do? I know there is a difference but the reality is, working or not, moms have the same issues, same joys, and same discussion points! I do have a fantastic and amazing person who takes care of my child during my working hours, but do they think she is doing it all and I don’t have to do anything when I get home? Do they think my daughter doesn’t go potty, go to bed, go in time-outs and play at night and on the weekends? Do they think that because I am a full time working mom, I am “not acceptable” to the group because I don’t deal with the day to day issues that they do? Just asking!!
I’m done venting on this for the moment! The fact is we all love our children and want the best for them and in my opinion mommas of any kind should not feel the need to justify anything they are doing! For me personally, I have one of the best support structures around, my family and one amazing husband/Daddy! I also couldn’t do it without our “ya-ya”/sitter who my daughter adores. We have a team, and it takes a team to raise our babies sometimes!
Disclaimer…the deadbeat, drug-addict and alike mommas are exempt from this – they should justify their actions. Just had to say! :)
What is Important:
But all the other mommas, hang in there: we are STRONG, we are POWERFUL, and we can DO THIS! Remember we are building little human beings, and giving them the best resources we can, that is the most important. So for all critics, and mommas who have time to go after other moms, maybe they should stop that behavior and pick up a book to read to their child instead?
Thank you for letting me vent.